Ug on Poet Fashion & Sadness

Author's Preface:

Some of my Ug pieces are rather small. I'll try and group them together.

Here we have two of my favorite ones. Both are slants against the "emo culture". One is that young males will wear makeup (a slap in the face of society, or just want to look pretty?) and ill fitting clothing to make a statement about themselves. The other is that bad emo poets will try to force too many words together in order to sound smarter.

Which is like talking louder will make that order take at the Chinese restaurant understand that you "need to know where the bathroom is" better.

To see other pieces, please check the index. Otherwise, please enjoy "Ug on Poet Fashion" and "Ug on the Overwhelming . . ."

"Ug on Poet Fashion"

Ug wear Ug-Mother black war paint
and finger polish
Ug try on Ug-Sister loin cloth
Did not fit.

"Ug on the Overwhelming Ramifications of Sorrow and Depression upon the Departure of his Girlfriend"

Ug heart sad.
Like stone of cold.
But not like wrestler Stone Cold.
Like sad.

"Symphony delivers pleasing sounds; concert praised by those in attendance."

There are many reasons why I do not fully respect my University's college-paper. While I do try to keep an air of respect for journalism, it seems that they do not. I am not sure why I have so much trouble with the university paper.

I do not know whether it is because their head sports columnist never actually writes about sports, but uses sport metaphors to badly veil his political agendas.Or perhaps it is the fact that the student-editor seems to only hire her friends for positions on the paper.Maybe it is the fact that my high-school runs a nationally acclaimed school-paper. And the paper at my university does not look like it has reached the junior-high level. Maybe it is the fact that the paper is chock-full of slants, logical fallacies, and quasi-political agendas that have nothing to do with the stories they are supposed to be delivering.

Or it could be the editorial-cartoonist that they have on their team. One "artist" that even my drawing can beat.

Being the only university political cartoonist (wow, that left a nasty taste in my mouth. Excuse me while I get something that will taste better--like cat vomit), this artist gets free reign over two spots in the paper.

The first is a single panel comic with what looks like Sauron, of J. R. R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings novel series, pushing his foot into the rectum of a young male, pulling from his toe-inserted pants a wallet, and pulling money from it.

The young male (I assume is a representation of the average college from the backpack he wears and the chain attached to the wallet that would never be allowed in a public school) seems less than amused having his wallet and buttock violated by Sauron.

Sauron complains: "There's only 5 bucks in here!"

The "Average College Student" responds: "Wait . . . This is your plan to make the University Better?!" (Good use of interrobang, Artist. While you probably do not know what it is, you used it correctly. However, I really don't know why you emphasized "This" and "Better." Please explain in 300 words or less.)

Sauron (Which we can now assume is a representative of an unjust system in the University that is causing financial woes to students. Clever, clever, Artist.) finishes with: "Whatever, man. This is a Business."

Alright. I have one big issue with this comic in its entirety. It is not the artistry that I could improve upon in my own terrible, limited skill (cavemen drew better than me). It is not the eraser marks that I can see still on the image--after being printed. It isn't the fact that Sauron is sexually harassing a student, which will have to be addressed in the next diversity development seminar. What bothers me is that the Artist has an issue with dialogue. I've spoken to a couple graphic artist/writers that I know here at the university, and I have learned that even in writing in an illustrated format, dialogue is still necessary. And a huge component of adding credibility, when it comes to any writing, is getting a voice right. I am pretty sure that Sauron, and any board of trustees for a university, would never use the phrase "Whatever, man."

But maybe I am hard to please. Let's look at the other one (I am sorry that I cannot actually show you these pieces. I am looking into scanning them in so people can actually see that I am not making this stuff up.)

This is a tri-panel. So there is a lot more to work with.

Panel 1: The University President--We know, because there is a sign about 1/4 of the panel that says "University President's Office." what the hell? Maybe it is just some old white burglar that decided to answer the phone--So in Panel 1, this old white burglar in the University President's Office decides the answer the ringing phone and says "Hello...?"

Panel 2: It is the scenic vista of a bog with a shiny bowling ball the size of an Arena with lines on it to make it look like a skull. Two more signs, far too large to be cost-effective, say "Meanwhile . . . at the Legion of Doom."

Panel 3: Three men sit at a table with place cards. Aw. That's nice. It must be so hard to have tea when you can't remember anyone's name. Anyway, one is the scarecrow, another is Solomon Grundy, and in the middle is what looks like Richard Nixon sitting in The Previous University President's spot. That's not very nice, President Nixon. You should let him have his spot at the tea party. Actually, this could just be a costume party, and the 'Legion of Doom' is so pathetic at it, they just use place cards. "Scarecrow" says "OOH! ask him if his refridgerator is running!" That's right, with out a cap on the "Ask," and without "refrigerator" being spelled right.

I bet that is subtle satire at the current editorial comic writer's intellectual capacity. Good job, Artist.

"Solomon" says "SOLOMON GRUNDY IS CONFUSED!!!" Except without the caps lock. It sounds like something that should be yelled, not said. Nixon has a creepy smile.

My real question is: Why is this comic placed under "Campus Life"?

Ug, the Angsty Caveman, Writes in his Diary

Author's Preface:

Ah. Welcome to my satiric method. While I like to think that I am a Juvenalian satirist (The kind that makes people think through harsh criticisms of reality), I'm more of a Horatian satirist(The kind that pokes fun and hopes no one gets mad).

That being said, while I hate the concept of 'emo poetry', or 'self-loathing' poetry that has become so popular through the contemporary period since the late '90s, I find it an intriguing form of expression.

Therefor I wanted in on the action. But I'm far too egocentric to write bad self-loathing poetry. I had to have a persona. And while I'm at it, I might as well make it a social commentary at the same time. And the commentary is thus: Bad alliteration and rhyme schemes do not make poetry. Knowing 12 different ways to say 'blood red' does not make you creative. Taking in the essences of life around you and reorganizing them in your own way -- that is poetry.

So here is my poetry, dripping with satire and oozing with irony. Enjoy "Ug."

"Ug, the Angsty Caveman, Writes in his Diary"

Ug poet.

Ug no go out

fight saber-teeths and hunt mammoth.

Ug stay in and toil by self.

Tortured soul in dark cave.

Ug sad,

alone.

Alone in dark cave

by self.

Soul like dark abyss.

This place pit of sad.

Ug want be from place.

Ug want be like famed writers

like Arv in next cave,

Or Snurgee from other clan.

His must be good, for has two syllable in name.

Ug want be like them, but Ug not sad enough,

Also, Ug not know what rhyme with despair.

Unless Ug talk about pain of this pear.

A Hair of Delphi - 1 - Introduction

Author's Preface: 


This piece is set in the Lovecraftian World. H.P. Lovecraft was a horror novelist and serialist in the early-to-mid 1900's.


The core reason why I am writing this piece is for the exploration into the Serial sub-genre of writing. Serials are series that rely on a continuing plot that unfolds in a serial fashion, episode by episode. While today, Serials pertain solely to Television or Film, they originally referred to radio-shows and stories published in newspapers and magazines.


There is a certain finesse in writing for a Serial. For one, you have to backtrack and explain things with a brief summary as you start - To catch up readers from the last week's/month's issue, or if they missed that issue all-together. Then you only have so many words to use before your space is used up. Of course, for a monthly serial, the piece would be about three-to-five times longer than a weekly.


I will be working on a weekly schedule in this study. I only get 500-1800 words per segment. I have to make each word count, either to remind the readers, or to enlighten the readers.

So, without further interruption, I leave you with A Hair of Delphi.

What if lost parts of your body carried more than just the physical mass and genetic traits we already know about? What if they held the attitudes—nuances—habits of the owner? What if they held the memories of that person? Of course you would say it's crazy. Impossible. And you would be right. A toe does not contain the synapses to recall a football kick. A skin sample can not hold the hatred of a paper cut. A hair cannot reveal the life of the man.

Or can it? Some of the things I've seen - I don't know what don't know what it all means. But there is something here. Thanks to meticulous notes, I can reassemble the pieces. I need another person's interpretation, however. I need to know whether this is all really happening.

June 19, 1998

My name is Lawrence F. Radcliffe. I am working on my doctoral thesis in Disease Pathology during a semester long sabbatical from my residency at St Mary's Hospital in Arkham, Massachusetts. My personal study is exotic diseases, historical and contemporary. If we discover the correlation between past and present strains, it is likely that we can begin to predict future viral diseases and bacterial growths and create vaccines and antibiotics before they are necessary! Pharmacies will become preventative maintenances, and outbreaks will become virtually nonexistent!

Of course, my work is still in the theoretical stages, hence the sabbatical from finishing my MD. There are some promising theories, though. Specifically: The human hair follicle. We already know the human hair contains a long temporal map of the physical condition of a person. We can extrapolate the diet, exercise, and stress levels of the owner from the hair. And while we cannot yet see what the ailments are in the follicle, we can see periods of health and disease. Between the hair and skin samples of the ill, dying, and deceased, we can begin to understand the correlation and patterns of disease.

I am starting todays study with several samples, including:

• 3 Hair samples from myself;
• One from a month ago;
• One from last week;
• One from this morning.

• 2 Hair samples from my colleague residents at St Mary's.
• One from Dr. Elsinger—Female, age 29, Caucasian, German descent. No known history of illness;
• One from Dr. Benton—Male, age 26, Asian-Caucasian, Chinese-British descent. History:
• Hepatitis C infection 1 year ago on vacation in China.

• 1 Hair sample from a patient at St Mary's
• The name is omitted for protection of the patient—Male, Caucasian, British Descent: History:
• Middle Aged- Ranged 30-45
• Chronic Smoker since 16 years of age
• Herpes Simplex 2—Diagnosed July 1988
• Lung Cancer—Diagnosed June 1996.
• Chemotherapy—Began August 1996; Ended December 1997
• Cancer did not remit—diagnosed terminal December 1997
• Put in Hospice Care at St Mary's December 1997

A colleague in the Genetics Analysis department is allowing me the use of his machine for my hands-on research. Dr. Abernathy is a renowned geneticist that created a scanning device that is leaps and bounds beyond the current crop of genetic research. It uses holographic and VR technology to allow the user to physically contort and manipulate the scan—a phenomenal feat. Dr Abernathy's para-science hobbies brings his name to infamy in the medical world as well. I am worried that the good doctor made his machine for reasons other than seeing gene clusters. When he asked to test his latest improvements on the device on my samples, I made him promise that the machine would be safe for my experiments.

We are to meet at 3. I could use some lunch.

Beginnings

Humble as this is, this is a new beginning for me.

Moreover, it is a contract that I am making with myself. A contract to write more, and to write well.


My name is R. W. Downing and I am a Writer/Satirist from Arkansas, USA. I am also a writing tutor, and studying to become a professor of writing.

Of course, I am still working towards my baccalaureate degree. My career path is still a long stretch a head of me.

I am building this blog for four reasons:

1. I am avoiding writing a 10 page paper on Mark Twain's allusions of sixth century Britain to nineteenth century America. If you are starting to feel bad for me, don't. I picked the topic.
2. I write in a host of genres. Not only will this give me a stronger public eye than my previous attempts, but I will be able to sort them online with greater ease. It will also make it easier for me to see my path of experience through the genres.
3. As I am working towards my Masters in Rhetoric and Composition, I will need to develop not only my skills as a writer, but also aid others in developing their skills. It is the big reason why I am a tutor (the $7 an hour is nice, too, I suppose - that is, if you are used to not having money). Aside from tutoring, I enjoy building tip sheets to help other writers and other tutors. I plan to post those here as well to test their effectiveness.
4. Humor is one of the most effective tools that I have found in understanding something - anything. Really, it is second only to do-it-yourself work for me (I'm a kinesthetic learner). That is the point of Guerrilla Literacy - The use of unexpected humor to help gain a deeper understanding of literature in general. We scholars are not all Wordsworths or Emersons - though, I'm sure Ralph Waldo Emerson would both enjoy and detest the idea of mocking literature to gain a greater understanding of it.

 
After I make some headway into my Twain paper, I'll post a couple of pieces for the Fiction genre.

Thanks for your eyes,

R. W.