"Symphony delivers pleasing sounds; concert praised by those in attendance."

There are many reasons why I do not fully respect my University's college-paper. While I do try to keep an air of respect for journalism, it seems that they do not. I am not sure why I have so much trouble with the university paper.

I do not know whether it is because their head sports columnist never actually writes about sports, but uses sport metaphors to badly veil his political agendas.Or perhaps it is the fact that the student-editor seems to only hire her friends for positions on the paper.Maybe it is the fact that my high-school runs a nationally acclaimed school-paper. And the paper at my university does not look like it has reached the junior-high level. Maybe it is the fact that the paper is chock-full of slants, logical fallacies, and quasi-political agendas that have nothing to do with the stories they are supposed to be delivering.

Or it could be the editorial-cartoonist that they have on their team. One "artist" that even my drawing can beat.

Being the only university political cartoonist (wow, that left a nasty taste in my mouth. Excuse me while I get something that will taste better--like cat vomit), this artist gets free reign over two spots in the paper.

The first is a single panel comic with what looks like Sauron, of J. R. R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings novel series, pushing his foot into the rectum of a young male, pulling from his toe-inserted pants a wallet, and pulling money from it.

The young male (I assume is a representation of the average college from the backpack he wears and the chain attached to the wallet that would never be allowed in a public school) seems less than amused having his wallet and buttock violated by Sauron.

Sauron complains: "There's only 5 bucks in here!"

The "Average College Student" responds: "Wait . . . This is your plan to make the University Better?!" (Good use of interrobang, Artist. While you probably do not know what it is, you used it correctly. However, I really don't know why you emphasized "This" and "Better." Please explain in 300 words or less.)

Sauron (Which we can now assume is a representative of an unjust system in the University that is causing financial woes to students. Clever, clever, Artist.) finishes with: "Whatever, man. This is a Business."

Alright. I have one big issue with this comic in its entirety. It is not the artistry that I could improve upon in my own terrible, limited skill (cavemen drew better than me). It is not the eraser marks that I can see still on the image--after being printed. It isn't the fact that Sauron is sexually harassing a student, which will have to be addressed in the next diversity development seminar. What bothers me is that the Artist has an issue with dialogue. I've spoken to a couple graphic artist/writers that I know here at the university, and I have learned that even in writing in an illustrated format, dialogue is still necessary. And a huge component of adding credibility, when it comes to any writing, is getting a voice right. I am pretty sure that Sauron, and any board of trustees for a university, would never use the phrase "Whatever, man."

But maybe I am hard to please. Let's look at the other one (I am sorry that I cannot actually show you these pieces. I am looking into scanning them in so people can actually see that I am not making this stuff up.)

This is a tri-panel. So there is a lot more to work with.

Panel 1: The University President--We know, because there is a sign about 1/4 of the panel that says "University President's Office." what the hell? Maybe it is just some old white burglar that decided to answer the phone--So in Panel 1, this old white burglar in the University President's Office decides the answer the ringing phone and says "Hello...?"

Panel 2: It is the scenic vista of a bog with a shiny bowling ball the size of an Arena with lines on it to make it look like a skull. Two more signs, far too large to be cost-effective, say "Meanwhile . . . at the Legion of Doom."

Panel 3: Three men sit at a table with place cards. Aw. That's nice. It must be so hard to have tea when you can't remember anyone's name. Anyway, one is the scarecrow, another is Solomon Grundy, and in the middle is what looks like Richard Nixon sitting in The Previous University President's spot. That's not very nice, President Nixon. You should let him have his spot at the tea party. Actually, this could just be a costume party, and the 'Legion of Doom' is so pathetic at it, they just use place cards. "Scarecrow" says "OOH! ask him if his refridgerator is running!" That's right, with out a cap on the "Ask," and without "refrigerator" being spelled right.

I bet that is subtle satire at the current editorial comic writer's intellectual capacity. Good job, Artist.

"Solomon" says "SOLOMON GRUNDY IS CONFUSED!!!" Except without the caps lock. It sounds like something that should be yelled, not said. Nixon has a creepy smile.

My real question is: Why is this comic placed under "Campus Life"?