Ug, the Angsty Caveman, Writes in his Diary

Author's Preface:

Ah. Welcome to my satiric method. While I like to think that I am a Juvenalian satirist (The kind that makes people think through harsh criticisms of reality), I'm more of a Horatian satirist(The kind that pokes fun and hopes no one gets mad).

That being said, while I hate the concept of 'emo poetry', or 'self-loathing' poetry that has become so popular through the contemporary period since the late '90s, I find it an intriguing form of expression.

Therefor I wanted in on the action. But I'm far too egocentric to write bad self-loathing poetry. I had to have a persona. And while I'm at it, I might as well make it a social commentary at the same time. And the commentary is thus: Bad alliteration and rhyme schemes do not make poetry. Knowing 12 different ways to say 'blood red' does not make you creative. Taking in the essences of life around you and reorganizing them in your own way -- that is poetry.

So here is my poetry, dripping with satire and oozing with irony. Enjoy "Ug."

"Ug, the Angsty Caveman, Writes in his Diary"

Ug poet.

Ug no go out

fight saber-teeths and hunt mammoth.

Ug stay in and toil by self.

Tortured soul in dark cave.

Ug sad,

alone.

Alone in dark cave

by self.

Soul like dark abyss.

This place pit of sad.

Ug want be from place.

Ug want be like famed writers

like Arv in next cave,

Or Snurgee from other clan.

His must be good, for has two syllable in name.

Ug want be like them, but Ug not sad enough,

Also, Ug not know what rhyme with despair.

Unless Ug talk about pain of this pear.